The Better People

Do you believe in yourself even when nobody else believes in you?

Do you shy away from people you don't know because you've thrown desperate attempts in the past at being social but it just didn't work? 

Do you know that you're better than what you make yourself out to be but just can't seem to get it out there?

Do you feel misjudged?

Do you think that all hypocrites should be eradicated?

Do you feel under rated?

Do you wonder why life is unfair to certain people and the opposite for others?

Do you hate it when people pour self pity over themselves, when really they should just be glad to have health and perfectly functional pairs of legs, hands, eyes, and ears?

When someone says something to you, do you actually listen and put yourself in their place, thinking from their point of view?

Do you know that you aren't perfect, yet perfect enough to understand your flaws and live with them?

Do you pass judgement freely and generously?

Do you believe that you CAN verbally degrade people, but only because they are mean, ignorant and selfish enough to prioritize inanimate objects over people?
Do you think that everyone has a different idea of what love means to them?
Do you remember and miss the smells of different cities and places?
Do you hate it when people(including your friends) disregard someone because they 'feel' that person doesn't fulfill the requirements (aka approval) to be included?

Do you hate cliques/cults?

Do you sometimes deeply think about what other people could be thinking?

What do you think about 'knowing' the 'right' people in order to climb up the ladder?

Do you think that you have the potential to crawl through burrows, competing to achieve what society believes is 'success', but just don't care enough about it to push yourself into the superficiality? 

Do you believe in believe friends forever?

Do you feel that some people are irreplaceable?

Do you regret not getting to know someone well enough, and now it's too late?

Do the trees, wind, sun, billboards, crows, things behind walls, shapes of clouds in the sky and the smell of wet mud still capture your attention like it did when you were a child?

Just now on Orkut

B.pid to D.pid----ayyy man! I feel like crying for no reason!!  I suddenly suddenly missed you extraaaa today! I'm grinning even though there's this lump in my throatsheesh!! I am SO weird! Not to eavesdrop on your conversation but CATCH-22 just caught my eye...I read it two summers back and its realllly funny in this slightly dark-mild-sick-only we sick people would like it-way.That's what *I* thought then anyway.
omg! You'll turn 18 soooon! omg! my lungs long for hookah and my blood and liver long for CH3CH2OH!
Oh..can classes please bloody start!! I met Jil btw..today..twas nice,except that she's just not my bestfriend!!!!!

I am No writer!

So I can't write.I write when I need to vent.I suppose this is one of those times? *_* Personally,I think that the last(and only) thing I wrote on this blog was complete cowcrap.

A few days from now University will finally start! My feelings are so erratic these days,I partly want University to start,and I partly don't.I am partly glad to be eighteen and partly NOT! I just want the floor beneath me to swallow me whole,so that I can stay there,in the belly of the ground.But NO,if the floor beneath me should crumble just now and swallow me,I'd just land in the apartment below mine.

This summer was friggin awesome! It was the best.It was also the last.Everything is so very strange after you leave school.It's really hard to believe that everybody has started college/university.It feels so OLD! 

Also,everybody has just taken off in different directions,literally.

I miss shitloads of things!

I miss my house.

I miss Taco's at Pecos.

I miss Devathi,Manisha,Monisha,Karishma,Aditi,Hima,Esha,Anitha,My golf coach in Chennai and Vasanth(the gay dude who used to cut my hair at bounce.Yes,I did not call him my 'hairdresser',even though that is really what he is).

I miss Bangalore.

I miss my HOT red & black room ,with one wall completely mirror-ed,in Chennai.

I miss tarts at The French Loaf.

I miss KGA.

I still and will always miss Sophias,which has changed so drastically and brutally since I've left.I can't possibly sum up the thirteen years of my life there,but it's all there in my mind,carefully wrapped snippets,precious memories which I of all people can never forget.

Never forgetting.I HATE always remembering.Sometimes I feel like nobody cares because they don't remember,because they move ON without remembering.Well sure, they remember some things.But never the tiniest,most intricate details.

Like that time in the fifth standard,when Divya James,Devathi and I killed and buried two 'big' ants in the gamesfield,under some hefty stones,near the trunk of the tree that used to live damn close to the middle-tree,and called it the 'ant Taj Mahal' *_*.

Or that time in the sixth grade when Devathi and I got caught while miming 'Shit Bum Shit' across class during the Science period.

Meghna and I escaping march-practice,one day before the sports day in seventh standard,to sit behind near 'the doctrine class' watching the golf course and chatting away.

Random bitching.

Believing in sprits,witchcraft,bringing back the dead.

Escaping to the Reference Section in the library to sit and write 'the newspaper report'.

Playing UNO one day,under a cardigan.

Burying chamkees during Diwali with Nayantara in the first standard,only to try and find them the next day.

The WHOLE class making fun of poor Mrs.Joseph,and counting the number of times she'd lick her lips in one period.

That weird ass girl Shibani who made Monisha and Me cry one-after-the-other.

Basel mission practice.

Waiting after Basel mission with Aparna,going to Ria's place and playing with Cherry and Benzy.

Nayantara's New maroon and black Jansport bag.With those unique zip end's that curled.

Hearing about Taamara on the 18th of September,2003.

How Devathi could never shut her mouth when she really had to.

How She would save my ass(or atleast try) when I was almost always in trouble.

Dealing,badly,with loss.

KFC visits before Mrs.Narayan's.

Shruti Shah,Tara,Nirmala,Aparna,Archana at Mrs.Narayan's.

How Shruti Shah would always burst into peals of laughter,for everything and nothing.

Richie Rich. :)

Nain telling Meghna and I,a movie-story(The Trojan War)in the eighth, one winter morning in the basketball court.

Karishma,Meghna,Bathina and I breaking into Kinnisha's Diary and reading about Christopher.

Randomly seeing Christopher on the last day of the eighth at Amoeba,after the Chem exam.

Karishma trying to call some dude in Delhi from Manushi's cellphone,during the Christmas Party(That 70's Class)in the eighth.

How I just 'got' everything Karishma said.How she just 'got' everything I said.

Walking with Karishma to the Vanstand every evening for a few months.

Sport bottle obsessions.

Devathi & Sonalee's Cheetos/Pokemon obsession.

Vandana,Varsha,Veena,Reethika & Ritika in the Bus.Andrea also.

Before that,Chris,some weird junior,Apoorva,Ria,Aparna in the Bus.

248(the old bus)

Kanada at Mrs.Rai's.Something I'll never forget.

Priyadarshini,Dyuti,Nazneen,Varun,Trevor,Archana,Aparna,Manasa at Mrs.Rai's.

Those times in 2001 when they just couldn't get enough of Kylie Minogue's 'Can't get you outta my head'on Radio City.

How H2S from the Chem lab would stink up the class in the fifth,only during hindi class when Mrs.Bandhari would teach.

Much more.I could go on typing and it would never end.The more I type,the more I remember.

An eternal lament of the joy & sorrow,good & bad,beautiful & ugly times,at the one place that holds so much of me.

people who lack originality piss me off!!!

Some people just don't seem to get that they can't/shouldn't be enacting other peoples lives.These people,who suddenly lose themselves and whatever little's left of they're minuscule brains,tend to copy an be like those around them.If you have been a victim to someone like this,you will surely know that the 'copying' and 'enacting' of your life by one of your*ahem* acqaintainces can range from the person speaking EXACTLY the way you do,trying and failing to swear like you,suddenly liking everything you do and telling other common friends about these passions, dressing the SAME way you do,steal your opinions about the latest music or other such things that you might be enlightened about(although they have no idea about it)and simply go around discussing it with other people right in front of you,randomly adding people on your contact list and tellin them that they're 'good' friends of yours!(this will only embarrass you further!)it can be inevitably irritating when such things happen,and at first you may ignore it...but THEN it becomes regular,and you start feeling the following things:
1)you feel like you don't exist.it feels lik somethings been stolen from you.
2)you feel various degrees of unclothed anger and this is when you start to hate the person.
3)you have no problem in openly declaring to your closest friends about how you feel
4)you want this person to be eliminated from existence.
By the time you start feeling all these feelings those close companions and everyone else who knows you very well would have realised(by now) the cause of your despair(remember that you are truly blessed if you have these people who understand you completely,whom you love and who love you in return,because if you are in a new place and you know very few people your position will not be considered,and the 'copier' might even get applauded for the improvement of his/her persona,and other vital aspects of his/her character)and the copier will be shown his/her place.the copier will not be encouraged and will be called a'loser'.
You did not mean for this to happen,you did not mean to insult anyone,you are not a haughty,so called somebody who goes around bullying people,you do not have an attitude thats bulging,but yet you have managed to cause someone pain,you have made someone feel like they do not belong....now these might..jus MIGHT be the feelings that you may have to encounter in the aftermath of completely extinguishing all traits and signs of your borrowed mind and thouhghts in the copier.this persons not your best friend,not someone you may care about in particular,jus an acquaintaince i.e someone with whom you are forced to spend time with on a regular/daily basis.
This may not sound like the nicest thing to say,but i hate..HATE people who try to mould themselves as the persons they are not and cannot be,whats more alarming is that they do this deliberately!!i agree that a few things from other people around you eventually slip into you with ease..but not everything!!!not the small details..there are certain manners of speech and behaviour that are exclusive to each individual,that CANNOT BE fabricated,and should not be done..its like trying to steal a whole person,like pirating people!!borrowing other peoples thoughts,ideas..using them as your own and maybe even adding your own little something to it is very degrading.its not idol worship,you are not someone this person adores or feels any attachment for, infact you share a very frigid relationship..and it doesnt really warm up when you realise you're being carbon copied..in a pathetic manner..because nothing can ever replicate an original.

If you have been a victim to a personality-snatcher/person with no originality whatsoever,you will understand what i'm trying to convey.

*this is dedicated to my friend devathi*